Learning

I am learning about faith.  The kind of faith that made our great-grandparents say, "God will provide" when all evidence was to the contrary and people died daily from the flu, from childbirth, from an infected wound.  I am recognizing miracles.  I am remembering that it is not work that makes me tired, but hopelessness.  I am learning to use my stove to heat leftovers because I don't have a microwave.  I am learning that no dishwasher and no microwave makes me think more about the food we eat, and somehow, to waste less.  I am learning that laughing with my children does more to create obedience than discipline does - because love is more powerful than fear.  I am learning about discipline that is not punitive, but productive.  I am learning that it is not ownership that creates a feeling of home, but investment in making a house a pleasant place to spend time does.  I remember that I crave richness in red, but I am learning that the softness of green and yellow bring me to gentleness and peace.  I am learning that people know things about me that I don't have to say, and that they like what they know.  I am learning to go to bed early and to revel in good sleep and good dreams.  I am learning to be disciplined about wasting time because the fruits of wasted time do not satisfy.  I am remembering that reading a good book does not count as wasted time for the fruits are rich and sweet.  My weaknesses taunt, but do not haunt me.  I surprise myself equally with girlish indulgent whimsy and with calm logic and self-control.  I am more woman than girl now, and I am more grateful for my maturity than I ever was for my youth.  I am learning to look forward to the woman I will become without degrading the woman that I am.  I am learning what it is to be loved, and safe, and protected.  And I am remembering, and learning anew, that above all, I love to learn.  

I hope this post feels like richness to you, like red comfort, with highlights in yellow and green.